Mom For the First Time At 38

There are many reasons why a woman waits until later in life to have a baby. Zayna and I got into a little discussion on her blog the other day and where I commented that it wasn't my choice to wait until 38 to have a child. She inquired as to what happened. I decided it was a better blog post than a comment, so here I am!

As long as I can remember I have wanted a child. I have always dreamed of becoming a mother and breaking the cycle of abuse. I went through a ton of therapy and continue to work on myself, aspiring to be the best mom I can be.

At age 34 I finally gave up waiting for Mr. Right to come along. At that point, I had been dating about half my life with no prospects, only bad relationship after bad relationship. I decided that I was done with that. No more dating for me AND I was going to have a child on my own.

I did a lot of research. I joined Single Mother by Choice, a support group for women who intentionally choose to become a single mom. I researched sperm banks and fertility clinics. I made my choices. I purchased sperm and began intra-uterine insemination (IUI), knowing I would get pregnant quickly. That didn't happen.

For six months I went through IUIs with no drugs, with clomid, with injectable drugs. I went through various procedures. I had surgery to check and see what was going on in there. After six months of perfectly timed inseminations, I was still not pregnant. Each month was heartbreaking.

Then I met the Lizard King. Neither of us had intentions of dating or getting involved. We were friends for a long time, but I never shared what I was doing. One day LK kissed me and everything changed in that instant. When I saw that things were getting serious I thought I'd better tell him what I was doing. He was amazingly supportive. That last insemination was unsuccessful as well.

At this point LK and I were pretty serious and I decided to stop the inseminations. Time went by and we got engaged and then married. We tried to get pregnant, but nothing happened. We went to the fertility clinic to get checked out. He was fine. I was not. They told us that without a donor egg, my chances of a viable pregnancy was 1%. The cost? $15,000 with no guarantee. There was no way we could afford this.

I cried. A lot. Finally, I accepted that I would never have a child. Four months later, at age 38, I was pregnant.

So that's the story of why I "waited" until my late thirties to have a child. There are pros and cons to having a child later in life, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I am so very blessed to have my sweet Princess.

Gratitude & Pants

I wanted to take a moment to publicly thank my friends for all their help during my incapacitation. Everyone really stepped up to help me, even when I didn't remember much.

You see, I hit a moment where I thought my friends had left me to fend for myself. I had a house to pack and nobody was coming to help me.

This is the problem when people tell you something when you are stoned out of your mind. I had conversations with several friends, all of whom offered their help. The problem, I completely forgot they offered. Seriously, I had no idea; no recollection of the conversation whatsoever.

In the end it all worked out and now I am drug free...for the most part.

The most memorable time for me (I do remember some things) was when I answered the door to send Princess off with Rooster X to Freckle's house for her son's (Blue Eyed Boy) 6th birthday party.

As I opened the door, Princess says to Rooster X, "Mommy put her pants on all by herself!!!" I learned later that Rooster X was kind enough to share this exciting news with all my friends at the birthday party.

I thought you all might like to share in the excitement. Yes, I put my pants on all by myself!

Let's Take This Nationwide

There isn't much of an update to share, but I wanted to let everyone know a couple things. Stephanie, the children's sister, did have legal custody of the two children. KATU, the local ABC news station has been broadcasting the story. They covered it on Monday and Tuesday.

Oregon DHS is now aware of what happened. You can read that here. I have written letters to Oprah and Ellen. If anyone can take a story national, it's the two of them. I know that others have written to them as well. Perhaps you will feel inspired to do the same.

These children have flourished in Stephanie's care. Who knows what is happening to them now!

If you are on Facebook or anything like it, please post the link to the news piece I have above. If word keeps spreading this could make national news, especially if it hits the right people.

If anyone has any other ideas, I know that Stephanie would welcome them. Maybe a pro bono (sp?) attorney will even step forward.

Legalized Kidnapping

I had to share the link to a situation that is happening here in our town. It is a horrible thing when police come in and forcibly remove children from a loving home. It is legalized kidnapping. How terrifying it must have been for everyone involved. Please follow the link. There is a lot of history to this story, much more than I could post here. I can tell you that I know Stephanie. She is an outstanding mom. She is the kind of mom I strive to be.

This whole fiasco started at the end of last year. At that time we were in the throes of snowstorm after snowstorm. Many of us, myself included, called the news stations trying desperately to get them to report the story. They wouldn't because as far as they were concerned, the only news was the weather.

Time went by and things quieted down (maybe too much) and we became complacent. Then it hit the fan and now the kids are gone. Freckle (of Such Lovely Freckles) took the bull by the horns. She called KATU, our local news station and spoke, quite effectively, to someone there. KATU was at Stephanie's house within a very short time. The news piece airs tonight at 5pm and 6pm local time. Yes, Freckle ROCKS!

We are hoping that the national news picks this up. If anyone out there has any clout, please step forward.

Substitutions

When Princess was born, my husband and I began to change the way we speak. It was probably easier for him than for me because my sweet husband has always monitored the way he speaks in front of women, feeling that foul language was disrespectful. Old fashioned, I know and if you saw my husband you wouldn't expect that. His mama did a good job raising him.

It was harder for me because, well, I had a foul mouth. Well, it wasn't as bad as it used to be when I was in my wild child days, but still it wasn't the way we wanted to speak in front of Princess. We made the adjustment, but there were times when it was absolutely necessary to use such words. For those times, we resorted to spelling.

One day a few years back, while having a phone conversation with a friend, she shared some shocking news. My response? Holy C - A - R - P! To which my husband and sister responded in hysterics. They went on to make various fish exclamations like "oh smelt" and "flounder you". Well "carp" stuck. Let's hear a resounding "Holy Carp!

Color

I was just reading this blog post and decided I had something to say, so here it is.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but in my little naive world I tend to forget about color. When they announced that that Barack Obama won and "this is history in the making" I was confused. After all, it's not like we haven't had a president before and while yes, it's been a long time since we've had a democrat it certainly isn't the first time. After a moment it hit me...oh, that's right! He is black/bi-racial. I had totally forgotten.

I really rarely think about color and you see, in my daughter's world we are all brown. We're all just different shades. She and I tend to be pretty fair skinned so she calls us very light brown, my husband works outdoors in the summer and gets pretty tan so he's brown and well, I think you get it. I love the way she views color. The color of someone's skin is no different than the color of someone's clothes. And it isn't at all unusual to her that people in the same family can be drastically different colors. My hope is that she always views color the way she does today.