My Sister, My Friend

We have had lots of ups and lots of downs, but when it comes down to it my sister is always there for me. She is coming over every week to help me pack the house. Last week she even came over and packed while I had an evening out with friends. She does so much for me and I don't think she knows how much I appreciate her. I wish that I could do more for her.

She has asked me to be maid of honor in her wedding next March. We went dress shopping for my dress and to get some ideas for Princess' flower girl dress. I hope that I can do as good a job as she did when she was my maid of honor. She was amazing!

Art Museum...not

I bet you are expecting to read all about our fabulous day at the art museum, right? Well that is not going to happen today. I am sick. Curl up in a ball and sleep all day sick. Waves of nausea washing over again and again sick. It was awful.

Princess was amazing. She wanted to know how she could help me. My sweet 6 year old wanted to take care of me. I told her that the best thing she could do for me was to watch TV, play the Wii, play her computer and her DS...and let me sleep. She was awesome!

The nausea seems to have passed and I am left with achiness and I'm still tired. My sister and her fiance' are downstairs playing with Princess and making her dinner. There is one blood relative who I can count on. Through our differences, we have always been there for each other...and I am grateful.

Climbing the walls...

with a little help from a friend.

This friend is the person Princess calls sister. I don't know where she got the idea, but she believes it with every part of her being. Princess has known her "sister" since she was 8 or 9 months old. The bond and relationship they have is amazing. I guess family doesn't necessarily require blood ties.

A Baby!!!

Can you guess who this is?

You all know about Needy Evie, she was number 2. Have I mentioned number 1? The Lizard King was married twice before finding perfection me. The first time was at 20, the second at 22...so young. Now while Needy Evie has worked her magic, manipulating their two kids to have nothing to do with us, Number 1 did not.

Yes, LK has a son from his first marriage. Let's call him Tatt-Man. Tatt-Man is 27 years old and married. LK was the only one to attend the wedding, almost 2 1/2 years ago, because well...we just didn't have the money for all of us to go. Then there was the "falling out" after the wedding.

A few weeks ago, thanks to Facebook, Tatt-Man's wife "friended" me. We started talking and working on the men. LK was easy. Tatt-Man was a bit more of a challenge. It worked though. I have spoken to Tatt-Man and his wife twice on the phone. Things are looking good!

All this back story is leading up to the answer to the question above. Tatt-Man and his wife are having a baby!!! I am going to be a grandmother. Princess is just tickled that she is going to be an aunt at age 6. LK, well he is just over the moon that he is going to be a grandfather.

I just wish that Tatt-Man and family didn't live so far away. Sometimes distance isn't such a good thing. We'll have to do our best to be involved, long distance grandparents. Baby is due March 5th. We can hardly wait!

Did I mention Jamaica & Afghanistan?

On September 22nd we are joining our friends as they renew their wedding vows in Jamaica. The Lizard King was just home for a visit about 2 and a half weeks ago. The plan was that he would meet us in Atlanta and we would fly together to Jamaica. We were all looking forward to spending a whole week together.

The Lizard King emailed me on Monday with bad news, ugly news and good news.

The bad news: he was leaving for Afghanistan in a week. Yes, my bloggy friends. They need LK's expertise in Afghanistan. They asked him to go over. It will be a shorter trip and he assures me that he will be safe.

The ugly news: he will not be able to go to Jamaica with us.

The good news: he is spending a long weekend with us.

He arrived yesterday evening.

Right now I am trying to focus on the "I get to spend time with my husband" part. I'll think about the Jamaica vacation without him later.

Look inside your heart, Mommy

As you may know the Lizard King is working in South Carolina while Princess and I stay home, here in Oregon. He's been gone almost 4 weeks. He left before dawn on July 19th.

When we met and for our entire relationship up to about a month after our wedding, LK traveled for work. We would go a week at a time, sometimes two, without seeing each other. Then he would come home for 4 days or a week. It was hard, but not so bad and this was before we had Princess.

We have never been apart this long. Princess has never been away from her daddy longer than 5 days. I knew this was going to be hard. What I didn't know was that Princess was going to handle it beautifully. Yes, she misses her daddy, but she's doing great!

I, on the other hand, am not doing so well. Most days I do okay, but some days it's all I can do to keep the tears from spilling over.

The other day I told Princess how proud I was of how she was handling daddy being away. Then I told her that I wasn't doing quite as well as she was (all while trying to maintain control). This was a very emotional day for me.

Princess looked at me and said, "Just look inside your heart, Mommy, and you will see the people you miss and love."

Then the tears spilled over.

Dysfunctional Relationships Revisited

A while back I shared a bit about the deterioration of my relationship with my father and step-mother here and here.

I have a private family blog where I update everyone on the happenings in our life. When my father received the blog post in his email that Lizard King was going to Afghanistan he emailed me and said:

Mom and I are quite shocked by this email. Despite our differences, our hearts go out to all of you. This must have been an excruciating decision. In our varied travels, we have met men who were contractors working in Iraq and they seemed quite happy and told us that they did not feel unsafe; and, the money was great!!! If you would like to talk, all we want from you is a sincere apology for what we perceive as your disrespecting us and the rest will be forgiven. In your blog, you do not mention if 'Lizard King' will be working in a safe zone. No amount of money is worth risking his life by putting himself in jeopardy. But, we're sure that you have considered all of that in your deliberations. Again, all we want from you is an apology, but understand, we will not be disrespected. We are your parents and at this point, at our age, we are too old to start changing. You have to accept us the way we are.

At that point in time I couldn't even begin to deal with this. I told them that and also said that I couldn't tell them how much time I might need. They told me they would be patient. Well, as you know, things changed and LK is in South Carolina. Still it is a difficult situation and I am having a hard time. I didn't want them to think I was blowing them off so I emailed this morning. I told him that I was sorry for keeping him waiting so long. I told him that I was a little afraid (which he took to mean that I was afraid of him, but I meant that I was afraid of things going back to the way they were). I asked him to be patient.

He called me as soon as he read the email. We talked for about 40 minutes. I said a lot of things that I needed to say and did so respectfully.

I have also decided that I need to address issues as they happen. Sometimes I'm so shocked by their behavior that I don't even know what to say. This is something that I need to work on.

I am very hesitant and extremely cautious. I cannot go back to the way things were. I really didn't want to deal with this right now, but I guess I don't have a choice anymore. I wonder how this will all play out. I suppose only time will tell.

Another Modern Day Love Letter

I've gotten several modern day love notes over the last couple of weeks. Some the Lizard King texted, some were in email. This is the most recent email. I received it yesterday.

Just a reminder to let you know that I love you....

without you, I would have no life worth living...

You and Princess bring me nothing but joy every day.....

And I so do miss you both...

Isn't he the sweetest man? I do miss him so...and love him more than I can say.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Departure

At 3:15am I felt the Lizard King get out of bed. I knew this time was coming, but it didn't make it any easier. I couldn't fall back to sleep and I lay in bed waiting for him to come out of the bathroom so we could say our goodbyes. The night before, Princess had fallen asleep snuggling LK’s arm, crying off and on. They had already said their goodbyes then because we didn’t want to wake her.

LK left the bathroom, came over and hugged and kissed me, then went downstairs. I couldn't fall back to sleep. I climbed out of bed and went downstairs to hug and kiss him one more time. Back up in bed I lay there, listening for the sound of the shuttle service vehicle and the wheels of his suitcase rolling down the walkway and finally the sound of the vehicle pulling away.

At some point I drifted off to sleep and woke again around 7:30. Princess woke up about 15 minutes later. When we got downstairs we saw this.

After reading the note (herself) she opened the box and found this.

He really is the best dad and husband, isn't he?

This was harder than I thought it would be and I am feeling so very sad today. I'm sure it will pass.

Riding the Roller Coaster, Shady Style

Lizard King's sister and brother-in-law left today, after a fun-filled week. We went to Multnomah Falls, Beaverton Farmers Market, Saturday Market and Cannon Beach. I will post more about the visit and some pictures later. We had so much fun spending time with them. Princess really loved her time with them and was so sad when they left.

I thought you all might enjoy riding the roller coaster with us. That job that we were waiting on did not come through. However, LK got a call yesterday from the company that offered him the Afghanistan job. He had sent a very professional letter, informing them that he would not be going to Afghanistan. He also told them that if anything came up stateside, he would be very interested. We never expected to hear from them.

They must be extremely impressed with his resume, because it looks like they pulled some strings. LK will be working for the same company BUT in South Carolina, specifically Greenville. The money isn't quite as good, but it is still very good. He will come home once a month and Princess and I will also fly down to see him.

I always say that everything happens for a reason. I know that if Afghanistan had not happened, this would be so much harder for us. LK is leaving Sunday morning. We are trying to get as much time together as possible, so it will be a few more days before I'm back to the bloggy world on a regular basis. I hope you all understand. We also have some last minute shopping to do. He and I feel so much better about this job. I know it will still be hard, but nothing like it could have been.

I hope you have enjoyed today's ride.

The Eleventh Hour

I've been far away from the bloggy world for a long time. Things are about to change...big time.

On Monday, the Lizard King had an interview for a job...here. Wednesday, pulling into the parking garage at the airport to pick up his sister and brother-in-law, LK got the call. The job was a no. I looked at him and said the words that had been going through my mind for the last few days. "Please stay. We'll figure it out. We always do." He told me that he had been thinking the same thing. The possibility of this local job had both of us rethinking things.

Later that night LK and I talked. He then revealed to me the things he had learned when his airline details arrived. It included things like:

Back Pack to carry two days of clothes

Flashlight - Red, Green or Blue lens (Blackout camp rules)

Breakfast/power bars (possible travel delays with no foodavailability)

Pillow, Flat Sheet, Extra Blanket, Wash Clothes, Towels (2-3 Bath. 4-6 Hand)

and comments from the field:

Bedding for cot style sleeping. I have an air mattress from Amazon & use a twin fitted sheet.Put an air mattress on the cot -Tolerable comfort. Pillow really helps. Amazon does deliver to the FOBS 4-7 days for most items.

Be prepared to take pictures from the back of a Chinook between BAF & Shank - Rear door stays open. Ask for tail gunner Roberts - She is my favorite.

DO NOT bring conventional luggage. You will have to pull over rocks for long distances.Recommend Duffle bag style, great for mill air travel.

Headphones (Small portable) for watching movies on your computer. That's all the entertainment your allowed.

We made the decision for him to stay. I am so totally thrilled and relieved. The thought of him leaving was breaking my heart. I told him that the next year might suck, but we'll get through it. If he went to Afghanistan it would suck. If he stayed, financially it could suck. Either way it might suck, but I'd rather it suck with you than suck without you.

Then we got the call from the head hunter. They said that they are still in negotiations with the company he interviewed with, so that job may come through after all. Keep your fingers crossed!

Happy Father's Day, Lizard King!

It's been a casual day. Lots of hanging out. Slow cooking ribs on the grill. Nothing fancy, simply spending time together. This is something we haven't had much opportunity to do over the last several years.



The Lizard King is an amazing father. He is the epitome of "don't judge a book by it's cover". At a BBQ yesterday two friends told me that they decided that my husband is...hmmm....I can't remember the exact words (as you know I forget stuff)...but they pretty much said that he is pretty awesome. You've got this tattooed tough guy exterior, who is an Attachment Parenting, organic eating, sustainable living, amazing husband and all around great guy. It took me a lohohohong time to find him, but he was so completely worth the wait.



I asked Princess, "Why is your Daddy a good daddy?" Her response, "He plays with me a lot." Which is so true.



He spends a good deal of his limited home time playing with Princess. He lets Princess "do" his hair with all sorts of clips and accessories in it. He plays Princess Wii. He gets down on the floor and plays all the creative imagination games. He plays board games. He lets her "help" him in everything he does.



We are trying to find ways that he can still play with her from Afghanistan and so far, we're coming up with some pretty good ideas.

Decisions

I have been a little out of touch lately. I haven’t been blogging and I haven’t been reading. We have had a huge decision to make and have spent the last week doing so. You all may remember the evil ex-wife. We have been looking forward to the time that the alimony ends. At this point we’ve still got another year. Once the alimony is paid, we still have to dig ourselves out of the hole the giant alimony payment has left us.

We also have a huge IRS payment to whittle down because, although we have to hold up our end of the divorce agreement, she did not hold up her end. She was to sign two tax returns so that they could be re-filed and save the Lizard King (LK) a butt-load of money in taxes. She agreed to it in the divorce, but then refused to follow through. Eventually, we cut of the alimony unless she signed the papers. She finally signed them. Unfortunately, we learned that there is a statute of limitations for refiling tax returns and we were beyond it. So yes, we have this giant payment as well.

You might also remember that LK got laid off at the end of May. With the economy being what it is, finding a job was not proving to be an easy task.

You may also remember the wishing tree. It seems that I should have been a lot more specific when sending my wishes out to the universe. I wished for a six figure job that LK would love. I asked for abundance. I asked for financial freedom.

LK texted me last week and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner that evening. I don’t know how, but I knew something was up. At dinner he asked me if I remembered the company who contacted him months ago. They had locations in Canada and Afghanistan. At the time I looked at him and told him that he would work in Afghanistan over my dead body. That was the end of that.

What he didn’t tell me (until last week) was that the company had offered him a job in Afghanistan making A LOT of money. It was in an unsafe zone. He turned it down. They told him that there would be other things coming up and that they would get back to him. He figured they were just blowing smoke and forgot about it.

They contacted him last week and offered him a supervisor position. And they doubled the salary. We were floored. It is a one year contract. Work three months, take 2 weeks off to come home.

I can’t even begin to tell you how difficult it was to make this decision. We went back and forth hundreds of times a day. Even after making the decision we want to change our minds, but we know that LK going to Afghanistan is the best decision for our family. The year will be difficult, but our lives will be changed. We can pay off the evil ex-wife, we can pay off the taxes, we can pay off the credit cards, we can buy a house, we can put money away for retirement, LK can stop working two jobs and breaking his back doing construction. We can breathe.

My heart aches when I think about him being gone so long. We haven’t told Princess yet and I am so dreading that conversation. She is so close with LK. This is going to break her heart.

My friends are rallying around me. They are here for me, supporting me, as is my sister. I am grateful to everyone who is here to support me and Princess. They are how we will get through the next year. LK leaves on July 11th. That is just too soon. And I am just so sad.

Happy Birthday, Dad

I figured I'd say it here since I can't say it to him. We haven't talked to each other since the Disney World trip. There has been no communication at all since our back and forth email discussion ended February 25th. For those who don't remember, my father broke up with me back in February.

Well, today is his birthday and I can't call him, but I did send cards. It's just weird. I thought I would miss him more than I do, but it actually feels good. I'm not being judged on a regular basis and I get no guilt trips that he claims aren't guilt trips. There is so much more, but I fear I would bore you all with the messy details.

I guess all I really wanted to do was send a birthday wish out to the universe. Maybe one day my father will realize the importance of family and that relationships take work on both sides.

Modern Day Love Letters

Reminder

This was the subject of the email my husband sent me yesterday morning. He does this every once in a while and it often brings tears to my eyes when I read what he wrote. Sometimes it is simply that, a reminder to do something or about something. Sometimes it's more. My macho, atheist, tough guy with the tattoos up and down his arms is really just a big softy.

This is what he wrote (name has been changed to keep our little one's identity private).

Good morning sweetheart,
Just a reminder that I am sooo in love with you…
I am truly blessed by you and Princess...

Isn't he just the most amazing man?!

Let's Take This Nationwide

There isn't much of an update to share, but I wanted to let everyone know a couple things. Stephanie, the children's sister, did have legal custody of the two children. KATU, the local ABC news station has been broadcasting the story. They covered it on Monday and Tuesday.

Oregon DHS is now aware of what happened. You can read that here. I have written letters to Oprah and Ellen. If anyone can take a story national, it's the two of them. I know that others have written to them as well. Perhaps you will feel inspired to do the same.

These children have flourished in Stephanie's care. Who knows what is happening to them now!

If you are on Facebook or anything like it, please post the link to the news piece I have above. If word keeps spreading this could make national news, especially if it hits the right people.

If anyone has any other ideas, I know that Stephanie would welcome them. Maybe a pro bono (sp?) attorney will even step forward.

Family Tree

Princess and I are having way too much fun with the eclectic homeschooling thing. We listened to the introductory chapter (on CD) of Story of the World the Ancients, where we learned what history is and how archaeologists play a part. The first type of history we talked about was Princess' history. We then read a book called "Me and My Family Tree". It is a suggested story in the activity book and we got it from my favorite place...the library! After reading the story Princess wanted to make her own family tree.

She is also in the process of interviewing us for a booklet she is making about the history of our little family.

I hope to prepare an archaeological dig for her some time in the next week or so. Wish me luck!

Legalized Kidnapping

I had to share the link to a situation that is happening here in our town. It is a horrible thing when police come in and forcibly remove children from a loving home. It is legalized kidnapping. How terrifying it must have been for everyone involved. Please follow the link. There is a lot of history to this story, much more than I could post here. I can tell you that I know Stephanie. She is an outstanding mom. She is the kind of mom I strive to be.

This whole fiasco started at the end of last year. At that time we were in the throes of snowstorm after snowstorm. Many of us, myself included, called the news stations trying desperately to get them to report the story. They wouldn't because as far as they were concerned, the only news was the weather.

Time went by and things quieted down (maybe too much) and we became complacent. Then it hit the fan and now the kids are gone. Freckle (of Such Lovely Freckles) took the bull by the horns. She called KATU, our local news station and spoke, quite effectively, to someone there. KATU was at Stephanie's house within a very short time. The news piece airs tonight at 5pm and 6pm local time. Yes, Freckle ROCKS!

We are hoping that the national news picks this up. If anyone out there has any clout, please step forward.

Glass Half Full

This has been a great week and today was another great day. I've been busy, but it's been a good kind of busy. This afternoon, after another busy morning, we were in the nursery at Village Home as we often are. Kids were playing and moms were talking (some were knitting) as we often do.

I am fairly new to knitting and the Knitting Goddess offered to help me with a sweater that I started for Princess last summer. I moved next to her, leaving all my stuff at my original place at the table. I always shlep the same things each day - my basket of all our daily needs, my cute little pink laptop, my knitting and my tea.

I left everything but my knitting in my original spot. The Knitting Goddess got me on my way, but I stayed by her. At some point HerbiFaery's youngest needed to get by my vacant spot and pushed the chair in which pulled the power cord and then my tea which fell over onto my laptop and started pouring into my keyboard.

Everyone moved fast. We pulled the power cord. Popped the battery. Turned it over to shake out and attempt to dry any liquid. Then I started beating myself up. I heard all the old crap I grew up with playing in my head. I was not in a good place.

Freckly and HerbiFaery came to me. They said all the right things and it helped so much. I am so grateful to have them in my life. They helped to quiet the voices in my head that were calling me names and telling me all the things that are wrong with me. They helped me to stop listening. Yes, I am very lucky to have such amazing friends.

I called Lizard King from the car. He said all the right things and it helped me so much. He told me that the laptop is just an object and objects can be replaced. He told me if we had to we would get a new laptop at Best Buy and buy the warranty that covers everything, including spilled tea. He told me that there are only two things in the world that he can't replace and that's all that matters. Yes, I am very lucky to have such an amazing husband.

My laptop is sitting in my dehydrator and I know that it will be fine. It will all be fine because I am focusing on the good things. Thank you HerbiFaery, Freckle and Lizard King. My glass isn't just half full, you fill me up and I am grateful for each one of you.

Family Gained, Family Lost

Family Gained
A few weeks ago I rearranged my schedule to allow for more family time. With LK working two jobs and me my part time job we haven't had a regular day together as a family in a lohohohong time. I moved clients to weekday evenings and cleared my Sundays.

Today is the first full Sunday together. We enjoyed a delicious breakfast together and have plans to go to a movie, do some jeans shopping for LK and maybe a few errands. At the moment, as I blog, Princess and LK are playing...you guessed it...Disney Princess Wii! It's so wonderful to be able to spend time together no matter what we're doing.

I am so lucky to have such an amazing husband and daughter. Every day I am grateful to have them in my life. My husband supports me always, in everything I do and with all my decisions. He is my rock, my strength and my partner through everything. He is always there for me.

Family Lost
This is an extremely shortened version of what transpired. My father and I have had a dysfunctional relationship always. After the Disneyworld trip, that was less than a stellar experience, I decided it was time to attempt a healthy relationship.

There have been a few emails back and forth ,which Freckle and HerbiFaery have read and been an amazing support to me. They have helped me to understand how my father is treating me and helped me to find ways to try to make the relationship healthier.

In my most recent email, I told my father the things that needed to change in order for our relationship to have a chance at being healthy. He responded yesterday. His response? He was furious. And he ended our relationship. Yes, you read that right. He ended our relationship.

I feel very sad about that. I don't understand how anything I said would have him willing to never see his granddaughter. The things I said were stated with the utmost respect and with the desire to built a strong and healthy relationship. Now it's done.

My daughter has lost the only grandparents she ever had, as crappy as they were, at least she had grandparents. I don't understand his being so unwilling to work on this.

So today is a day of family gained and family lost. I'm trying really hard to focus on the family gained. We're heading out soon to enjoy the beautiful day together. I wish you all a happy Sunday!