Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Mom For the First Time At 38

There are many reasons why a woman waits until later in life to have a baby. Zayna and I got into a little discussion on her blog the other day and where I commented that it wasn't my choice to wait until 38 to have a child. She inquired as to what happened. I decided it was a better blog post than a comment, so here I am!

As long as I can remember I have wanted a child. I have always dreamed of becoming a mother and breaking the cycle of abuse. I went through a ton of therapy and continue to work on myself, aspiring to be the best mom I can be.

At age 34 I finally gave up waiting for Mr. Right to come along. At that point, I had been dating about half my life with no prospects, only bad relationship after bad relationship. I decided that I was done with that. No more dating for me AND I was going to have a child on my own.

I did a lot of research. I joined Single Mother by Choice, a support group for women who intentionally choose to become a single mom. I researched sperm banks and fertility clinics. I made my choices. I purchased sperm and began intra-uterine insemination (IUI), knowing I would get pregnant quickly. That didn't happen.

For six months I went through IUIs with no drugs, with clomid, with injectable drugs. I went through various procedures. I had surgery to check and see what was going on in there. After six months of perfectly timed inseminations, I was still not pregnant. Each month was heartbreaking.

Then I met the Lizard King. Neither of us had intentions of dating or getting involved. We were friends for a long time, but I never shared what I was doing. One day LK kissed me and everything changed in that instant. When I saw that things were getting serious I thought I'd better tell him what I was doing. He was amazingly supportive. That last insemination was unsuccessful as well.

At this point LK and I were pretty serious and I decided to stop the inseminations. Time went by and we got engaged and then married. We tried to get pregnant, but nothing happened. We went to the fertility clinic to get checked out. He was fine. I was not. They told us that without a donor egg, my chances of a viable pregnancy was 1%. The cost? $15,000 with no guarantee. There was no way we could afford this.

I cried. A lot. Finally, I accepted that I would never have a child. Four months later, at age 38, I was pregnant.

So that's the story of why I "waited" until my late thirties to have a child. There are pros and cons to having a child later in life, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I am so very blessed to have my sweet Princess.


Zayna said...

That's awesome! I knew it would be a great story. And whether or not you start early like I did or have to wait like you did, kids are always worth the sacrifices. :)

Kelly said...

Princess knew exactly when to launch her egg down the tube! What other explanation could there be?


Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Great story. I guess the time was right.

Aliceson said...

What a great story with a very happy ending! I have heard similar stories over and over, failed fertility treatments then all of a sudden it happens. Just goes to show that good things come to those who wait... and keep trying!

Shady Lady said...

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I was meant to meet LK and have his child. They say that stress does not have any effect on whether you can get pregnant or not. I believe that energy effect everything as well. That negative energy can't help.

All that, and LK must have some kick ass sperm! ;)

Such Lovely Freckles said...


Banteringblonde said...

Everything does happen for a reason doesn't it... even when it isn't all that fabulous at the time. I just learned more about ya!

Momma Bear said...

I'm so glad you shared this, thank you! What a great story...althought i'm sure painful but pretty cool in the end.

Lisa said...

Wow, Shady what a story. What a beautful and special lady (and mother) you are. LOL on the kick ass sperm!

Lisa :)

Shady Lady said...

Thanks, Lisa! Fiona and Momma Bear, I'm glad you enjoyed this post. I never know how people will react to the IUI on my own thing. I am grateful to have such awesome bloggy friends. :)