Thursday, January 29, 2009

Living

I was going to title this post "On Death and Dying" but that just sounded so gloomy. I realized that this isn't about death or dying, but about living and how much more there is to do.

I have very few memories of my childhood. Some say that I have blocked them out because it's easier to handle not remembering. Still, it's weird to listen to others talk vividly about their childhood when I have some random and odd memories.

As a very young child I have a memory of realizing how quickly it seemed life was passing. In the blink of an eye I was 6 or 7 or 8. I really can’t remember how old I was. And it scared me how quickly I had gotten to be that age. Then something changed and I didn’t think about that anymore…until recently.

I just had a birthday this month. I realized that I am 44 years old and that about half my life was gone. Again, I began to worry about it. Forty-four years had gone by so quickly. How did that happen? Then again I realized that maybe it wasn’t quite so quick and that I probably have another 44 years in me. My family, for the most part, live long and fairly healthy lives.

I have no plans to go anywhere. I waited a long time for my daughter (due to lack of sperm and fertility issues once the sperm, ahem, man came into my life). I am going to see her grow up, get married and have kids. I am going to be the coolest grandma ever. Yes, I'm going to stick around for a long, long time.

So here's to another 44 years and who knows, maybe I’ve got more than that!

5 comments:

Kelly said...

My husband has blocked most of his childhood memories, so the exercise of raising a daughter has been fantastically amazing for him. I am constantly reassuring him that THIS is what childhood looks like. He is sometimes awed, sometimes sad, but he is always grateful for the experience. His perspective helps keep me in the moment.

Great post.

Rachel said...

Yes, definitely a much better title! It's amazing to me sometimes, too, how easy it is to not notice the little everyday joys because of constant busy-ness. Thank you for the reminder, Shady Lady!

skyewriter said...

My hubby is the same way about his childhood, but he has good reasons why he can't remember things.

I am glad that he has MY family to show him what a healthy (albeit crazy) family looks like and how they love each other fiercely.

Thanks for the reminder to be grateful for every moment. To remember to hugs those we love a little tighter, and not be the first one to let go.

Aliceson said...

Cherish every day because while 44 is still young, you never know what could happen. Like maybe you'll win the lottery! ;)

Shady Lady said...

I just wanted to thank you all for these touching responses.

For those of you with husbands who had a childhood something like mine I understand how amazing it is to see what family is really supposed to be.

I wish my mother-in-law was still alive. I hear she was an amazing woman. My husband says she would have loved me. I never got to experience having what I think of as a real mother.

Anyway, thank you all. Your responses really mean a lot to me.